I know, I know, I haven’t posted in over a month. My plate is fuller than full in more ways than one and I’ve let my blog fall to the wayside. Woops!

The kids are starting kindergarten in 10 days and I’m really feelin’ it. I’ve had the joy of being home with them for almost 6 years and it’s going to feel weird to NOT have them here.

It’s not always fun. In fact, most of the time it’s darn stressful. So much crying and whining — and the kids do a lot of this, too. ;) But I wouldn’t trade it for the world! Never in a million years did I think I’d be able to stay home this long, and between finances and stress levels, it has been a struggle, for sure. But we’ve made it work because it was and still is important to us. I got to watch all my babies’ firsts — firsthand. I am beyond LUCKY! 

Sometimes I have to remind myself of how fortunate I am to be a stay-at-home mom. Ya know, between the yelling and all. ;) Mommy guilt is the BEST, isn’t it? LOL! But seriously, I know how fortunate I am to have had this opportunity. Being a stay-at-home mom is the most stressful and most REWARDING job I’ve ever had. Being paid in kisses is worth more than all the money in the world. Raising twins is, without a doubt, the coolest, most emotional experience of my life.

I used to think that half-day kindergarten was silly, but now I am SO grateful for it because this will be my kids’ first “school” experience since they didn’t go to preschool. I really like the fact that we will ALL be eased into the new process together. Leaving my kids in someone else’s care is scary and exciting all at the same time. No one and I mean NO ONE will ever care for them and love them the way Don and I do. I think I will probably have a harder time adjusting than they will. Isn’t that always the way? :)

Don’t get me wrong — I’m looking forward to having 3 hours a day to focus more on my business, clean out the attic, clean the house, post on my blog, and just generally enjoy the quiet. But I will miss my babies. Terribly.

So please forgive me for my sporadic posts. I promise to get back to it soon!

I’ve been really struggling with body image issues lately. That’s partially why I’ve been barely blogging. The other reason is that life just happens and gets in the way sometimes. :)

I’ve always struggled with my weight, but lately it has really been a battle — mentally and physically. I want so desperately to lose the weight, and yet I still make many wrong choices. Human nature I suppose, but not good. I wish I treated my own body as well as I treat my kids’ bodies. But for some reason, it’s not that simple.

It’s hard enough putting myself out there in the regular world everyday, let alone in the blogging world. But in keeping true to the point of my blog, I will continue to post outfit pix as much as possible.

And with that, here are some pix from SEVERAL weeks ago.

Shirt: H&M (old)
Shorts: Lands’ End
Shoes: Sperry Top Sider
Necklace: kellyssima (Etsy)
Bracelets: Forever 21
Watch: Relic “Stella”
Eyeliner: Palladio Herbal Eye Liner in “Eggplant”
Mascara: Maybelline Falsies Mascara in “Black”
Blush: NARS Blush in “Orgasm”
Lips: Loreal Colour Riche Balm in “Nourishing Nude”

This is a hard post to write. I’m not even sure I should be sharing so much of myself, but part of me thinks it will be cathartic to do so.

25 years ago today, my dad passed away very suddenly and my life was changed forever. I remember that moment like it was yesterday, even though I was just shy of 9 years old. My memories of my dad get hazier ever year, but THAT moment is ingrained in my brain forever. 

He was just 39 years old. He would have turned 40 just 2 months later.

I was about to enter 4th grade and my brother was entering high school. What should have been a fun, happy time, turned into one of the scariest times I can ever remember.

I didn’t cry. Everyone thought I was weird because I didn’t cry. Your dad just died, CRY! I wanted to. It just never happened. I think I was in shock — for a LONG time. My emotions came out in other ways, though, with daily stomachaches and I started writing. A lot. And I started pulling out my hair. Literally. One at a time, until I had bald spots all over my head. To this day, I still cannot stop “trich-ing”. 

My relationships changed all around me, too, over the next few years. Friendships ended abruptly and I didn’t know why. I’ll go ahead and blame myself and say I became “needy” and dependent, and maybe even a little depressing, but I didn’t know it at the time. I was a kid. A hurting kid who needed friends.

Those were my formative years and everything that happened at that time made me who I am today. Those moments changed me forever. I am constantly in fear of abandonment. True, my dad did not abandon us, but the feelings of loss are still there. Coupled with ending friendships, I became introverted and scared to make new friends. I could have easily gone in the wrong direction, but instead I put myself into my schoolwork and writing. I was a straight A student because I could control that. I started a poetry club in high school because I just KNEW there were other kids like me who needed a place to go.

I dated someone for 2 years who was CLEARLY wrong for me. Everyone around me knew it. Everyone around me TOLD me. I never felt good enough. But I was lonely and he “got” me, because he had abandonment issues of his own. And even though he went down a VERY wrong path, he helped me to see who I was. And who I wasn’t.

In spite of all that, I know I am a good person today. And I am THAT person because of my family. My mom was dealt a terribly crappy hand and she raised 2 children by herself because she HAD to. And being a mom myself, I cannot even IMAGINE what she went through. But she did it. And she did it WELL.

My heart hurts because my kids never got to meet the amazing man that would have been their grandpa. And he would have been AMAZING with them because there wasn’t on a person on the PLANET who didn’t adore him. 

I wish I had some of my dad’s qualities because he was truly a wonderful, adored and adoring person. At almost 34 years old, I am STILL figuring out who I am. And even though my kids never got to meet him, I see some of his qualities in THEM. They are funny and kind and that was EXACTLY who my dad was. It’s funny because they say girls marry guys who are like their daddies, and I guess it’s true because I married a wonderful man, who is extraordinarily funny and kind, and SO much like my dad. They would have been best buds.

I know this post was all over the place, but it feels good to get it all out.

Dad, I love you and miss you every single day of my life. 

I haven’t posted in awhile, but that’s what happens with life and such. These kiddles, work, and the business are keeping me busy, that’s for sure!

So back in my younger years (circa 1986 to 1996-ish), I would have done ANYTHING to be tan. I laid out by the town pool, slathered in baby oil, just waiting to fry. And I did. Burn, tan, peel, repeat.

But after MANY mole removals (most of them acquired over the last 2 decades), many of them pre-cancerous, I can safely say I am terrified of sunburn now and I cover myself in sunblock regularly. No tan is a good tan. 

I now embrace my paleness. I’m so pale, I’m practically translucent. But that’s okay. No tan is a good tan. :)

Shirt: Apt. 9 (Kohl’s)
Capris: Croft & Barrow (Kohl’s)
Flip Flops: Old Navy
Necklace: Forever 21
Bracelet: Pandora
Watch: Relic “Stella”
Eyeshadow: Clinique Touch Tints for Eyes in “Nude Sparkle” (discontinued, I think)
Eyeliner: Too Faced Perfect Eyes Waterproof & Tearproof Eyeliner in “Perfect Storm”
Mascara: Maybelline Falsies Mascara in “Black”
Blush: Bare Minerals Blush in “Hint”
Lips: Luscious Lip Tints in “Dahlia” (Robyn’s Nest Boutique)

My baby girl had her adenoids removed today and as a surprise, we had the surgeon pierce her ears while she was under anesthesia.

It all started a few months ago when the allergist mentioned how huge her adenoids were and she told us to mention it to the dentist because sometimes it can affect the way the child’s jaw forms. We actually had the kids’ dental cleaning a few weeks later, and while I forgot to mention anything, the dentist brought it up on his own! He said because she can’t breathe well and her mouth hangs open a lot, she’s experiencing the beginning stages of something called adenoid facies. Basically her upper palate is VERY arched, when it should be more flat and it can enlongate the face over time from her mouth always hanging open to breathe.

So the dentist referred us to an ENT who immediately knew what her issue was and recommended surgery. He said it wasn’t urgent, but it could ONLY benefit her. So we scheduled the surgery for today.

We didn’t give her too much information ahead of time because she can be an “over-thinker” (like her mama). We didn’t want her stressing out about this for any longer than necessary. So over the last few days, we gave her little tidbits here and there, with the bulk of the information this morning. She handled it remarkably well.  The toughest part was that she couldn’t eat or drink anything after midnight and her surgery wasn’t until 1:30pm today! I think it’s ridiculous to expect a child to go that long without even a glass of water, but they do surgery in age order and that’s the time-slot she was given.

The hardest part for US was knowing our baby girl would be put under general anesthesia. Our son had two surgeries (one at 8 months and another at 14 months) and he, too, was under general anesthesia. It is SO hard to watch your child go under. Don did it for our son, but I wanted to be in there for our daughter today (they only allow 1 parent to be in the operating room until they fall asleep).

The surgeon walked us down to the OR, which was good because I think she would have lost her mind if they wheeled her down. When we got into the operating room, she got really scared and she started shaking a little and really clinging to me.  She didn’t really like sitting up on the operating table so they let me (fully gowned up, booties, cap and all) hold her on my lap in a chair and they gave her the mask to make her fall asleep. She cried but she went out pretty fast while I gently talked to her about all the surprises she would have when she woke up. I felt her body go limp and the nurses, doctor and I lifted her onto the operating table. They said we both did great. :) The anesthesiologist put in her IV after she was asleep, thank goodness. I gave her a kiss, told her I loved her and walked out to the waiting area.

She was done in under 40 minutes and the doc came out to tell us she did great. He said he spent more time making sure her earrings were in the right place. LOL! She’ll be on antibiotics twice a day for 5 days but she has no restrictions as long as she feels well enough. So she is allowed to even go swimming tomorrow if she’s up to it!

She woke up before they let us back to recovery, so I thought she’d be going insane not knowing where we were, but when we pulled back the curtain to her area, she was smiling at us. :) Such a trooper!

She was shivering so badly that I could hear her teeth clanking together. She was also super itchy, so I asked the nurse if she had been given pain meds in her IV and the nurse confirmed that she did, as well as 2 anti-nausea meds. She thought I was a nurse because I knew about the whole itching from pain meds thing, but I said I wasn’t and I just remembered the feeling from some of my past surgeries.

Once she warmed up, she had a popsicle, a pudding, and an apple juice before we left. The only thing that really bothered her was the fact that she had an IV, but she was okay. Then a “touch therapist” came in and did some mild accupressure/touch therapy (Jin Shin Jyutsu), which she said is great for relieving pain naturally. Chloe played games on daddy’s iPhone while the therapist worked her magic.

We were able to leave about an hour after being in recovery and she said the only thing that bothered her was a little bit of a sore throat, but nothing else. She had a little cough, but it was mild. 

So back to the earrings. Back in the fall, Chloe had decided that she definitely wanted to get her ears pierced. She got all the way in the piercing chair, I signed the consents and when the girl went to swab her ears with alcohol, my daughter LOST. HER. MIND. She couldn’t go through with it. So we dropped the subject and only spoke of it when she brought it up. In the meantime, she had been wearing the little stick-on jewel earrings, which were fine, but she was really torn because she wanted her ears pierced SO badly, but was terrified of the pain. She said she would love it if she could just wake up with earrings one day because then she wouldn’t feel the “pinchy.” And then a light bulb went off in my head. :)

A few weeks ago, I came up with the idea to ask the surgeon if he would pierce them for her while she was under anesthesia. I know, weirdest mother ever. But he said YES! See, you don’t know unless you ask. :)

About a week ago, I told Chloe we were going to go buy the earrings so we could get her ears pierced when she was ready and maybe one day she would wake up with them already done. She was all about it and LOVED the idea! So we had the surgeon do it today.

She was exhausted tonight, but in such good spirits. She was less cranky than when she gets a cold. Hopefully it only gets better from here. 

If you’ve read this far, bless you and thank you. For those of you who kept in touch via FB today, thank you so much. Your support means so much to me!

Here are some pix from today. :)

This was almost right after she first woke up. The giant mosquito-caused welt on her head looks awful, I know! 

Enjoying a pudding while receiving touch therapy.

The note her brother wrote for her while we were gone. Twin love is just the best. :)

I have been working feverishly on my new line of tinted lip balms, aptly named “Luscious Lip Tints.” I have reformulated my best-selling lip balm to be even creamier and glossier than before, with better staying power, and now with COLOR. And the best part? They’re still vegan! Woo!

They’re not for sale yet in either of my shops, as I am still gauging interest for color likeability purposes. :) I am, however, selling sample sizes (1/2 of the regular size) for only $2 each, which INCLUDES shipping. Don’t be fooled — there is a LOT of lip balm in these tubes!

Here are a few shots of my new line!

WITH flash:

WITHOUT flash (natural light by a window):

COLOR DESCRIPTIONS:

PINK MIMOSA - Sheerest, subdued, neutral, gold-kissed pink. Beautifully feminine and delicate.
PEONY BLOSSOMS - Sheerest neutral pink with just a hint of shimmer. The perfect neutral. Your lips, only better. A favorite!
HIBISCUS - Sheer, peachy coral with a hint of shimmer. My favorite summer shade!
AZALEA - Sheer, rosy pink with just a hint of shimmer.
ASTER - Sheer, fuschia pink, with just a hint of shimmer.
DAHLIA - Sheer, slightly bright, juicy berry. Beautiful for all seasons.
PEPPY PETUNIA - Sheer, very buildable, berry red. Uplifting and happy! Leaves a nice stain on the lips as it wears off.
POPPY FLOWERS - Sheer, buildable, neutral/warm red lip stain with a hint of tangerine. Flattering for all skintones. The perfect complexion enhancer. One of my very favorites!
RED ROBYN - Sheer, neutral red, kissed with just a hint of gold shimmer. Beautiful for all seasons. Flattering for all skintones. My signature red.
SUNNY GERANIUM - Sheer, raisin-y red. Flattering for all skintones. If you like Clinique “Black Honey,” you will love this! (Mine is redder, though)
SUMMER SUNSET - Shimmery copper. Slightly more pigmented than the other lip tints, and beautiful for all seasons.

So whatd’ya think? :)

If you’re interested in purchasing a 1/2 size tube, please email me or comment on this post, so I may contact you!

Enjoy!

I wore this to the Memorial Day parade in our neighboring town. It was 549080 degrees out that day and this was the best I could do. In hindsight, I would have stayed home in my air conditioned abode, but the kids were so excited to go to the parade that I couldn’t disappoint them.

I don’t handle heat well. I’m pretty sure it’s a family trait. Way back in 1990-ish, we were up in Boston looking at colleges for my brother and my mom had severe heat exhaustion. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her that sick and unable to walk. It was awful. Fast forward 22 years and I’m following in her footsteps. My heart races, I get cold sweats, a stomachache, and I feel like I’m going to pass out. My daughter and my niece can’t handle the heat either. Cherry red, sad little sweaty faces. What’s with us?

Anyway, back to the outfit. I’m fairly certain I will not be wearing this shirt again as it drove me INSANE all day. I look pregnant (and I assure you I am not) and it kept shifting all day. A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G.

But like I said, it was the best I could do with 549080 degree weather. :)

Shirt: Old Navy (old)
Linen Crops: Old Navy
Sandals: Old Navy (old)
Necklace: family heirloom
Bracelet: Pandora
Watch: Relic “Stella”
Eyeliner: Too Faced Perfect Eyes Waterproof & Tearproof Eyeliner in “Perfect Storm”
Mascara: Maybelline Falsies Mascara in “Black”
Blush: Bare Minerals Blush in “Hint”
Lips: Estee Lauder Pure Color Crystal Lipstick in “Crystal Coral” (discontinued)

I love mixing feminine (ruffles) with a little touch of flair (leopard). I’ve seen people in head-to-toe leopard, and while that’s okay for some people, it’s not in my comfort zone. But accessorizing with leopard is the perfect way to add it in without screaming, “Hey! Look at me! I’m wearing leopard!” :)

This might be one of my favorite looks so far!

In other news, we had an awesome weekend filled with dress rehearsals and dance recitals and lots of memories made. 

Here’s a shot of my tiny dancers from their photo session last week.

And one from yesterday before the recital.

I just can’t get over how big my babies are getting. They’re getting so tall, smart, and beautiful, and I’m just so proud of them. The growth is just astounding.

This is how they looked on their very first day of dancing school, just 3 short years ago. Look at all the curls between them!

And at their very first dance recital. I remember barely being able to get her hair up into a bun, but we did it! Now she has SO much hair! :)

Yup, I’m a proud mama. :) These babies have come a LONG way!

Happy Monday! 

Shirt: AB Studio (Kohl’s - old)
Jeans: Mudd Skinny Jeans (Kohl’s)
Flats: Target
Belt: Target
Necklace: family heirloom
Bracelet: Pandora
Watch: Relic “Stella”
Eyeshadow: Loreal Infinite Wear Eyeshadow Quad in “Desert Sunrise”
Eyeliner: Loreal Telescopic Liquid Liner in “Dark Brown”
Mascara: Maybelline Falsies Mascara in “Black”
Blush: NARS Blush in “Orgasm”
Lips: Luscious Lip Tints in “Pink Mimosa” (Robyn’s Nest Boutique)

Chevron is one of the latest “it” patterns, and I must say, I love it. It’s very flattering and draws your eye right to the pattern instead of some, er, other less flattering places. 

Chevron is quite popular in home fashion, too. It looks beautiful and makes a big impact, even on small pieces like pillows. If my home had a more modern tone, I would definitely be pulling some chevron into my decorating scheme. But for now, I’ll just wear it. :)

Have a great weekend! 

Shirt: Old Navy (old)
Skirt: Sonoma (Kohl’s)
Wedges: Mossimo (Target)
Necklace: Forever 21
Bracelet: Forever 21
Watch: Relic “Stella”
Eyeshadow: Loreal Infinite Wear Eyeshadow Quad in “Desert Sunrise”
Eyeliner: Stila Smudge Stick Waterproof Eyeliner in “Lionfish”
Mascara: Maybelline Falsies Mascara in “Black”
Blush: NARS Blush in “Orgasm”
Lips: Luscious Lip Tints in “Poppy Flowers” (Robyn’s Nest Boutique)

No pix today. I spent all day in the ER.

I’ve always suffered from acid reflux, but since I’ve been losing weight, my reflux has been SO much better. Or so I thought.

Monday night, I woke up around 1:50a.m., violently choking on bile (gross, I know) and gasping for air. I caught my breath after only a minute or 2, but then I had the most God awful crackling in my chest. Louder than I would ever think possible. Even if I wasn’t breathing in and out, the crackling was VERY audible. Every time I tried to clear my throat or cough, I would start choking again. Ugh!

After about an hour of crazy crackling and wheezing, I finally calmed down, propped my head up, and fell asleep.

Since then, my chest has felt very heavy and I can’t seem to get a good, deep breath. When I breathe in, it feels like I’m on a roller coaster — tickly, weird, kinda nauseous feeling. And then I start coughing.

I’ve been fully functional, out and about with the kids and such, but I have felt “wrong.” Several years ago, the same thing happened to my mom and she ended up with aspiration pneumonia. 

So today I decided enough was enough and I called my primary care physician. He told me to go straight to the ER because there was nothing he could really do in the office, other than listen to my lungs and I would need a chest x-ray anyway. So, off I went to the hospital. I drove myself because I really do feel fine otherwise.

I was put in the “red” area, which is the most urgent in the ER, but I honestly think they just had an open bed there. LOL! I was hooked up to a gazillion electrodes and I was seen by a few techs, the resident and attending doctors. I had an EKG (normal) and then waited and waited and waited for the tests to be done. Thank goodness I had my trusty iPhone with me and continued to read book 3 of Fifty Shades of Grey on it. Surprisingly, my heartrate and blood pressure stayed normal. LOL! 

They drew some blood to check for D-dimer, a protein fragment found in blood clots. It’s apparently protocol for people who are short of breath and on birth control. It was negative, thankfully.

Then I was FINALLY taken for my chest x-ray. Just moments later, it was confirmed that I have aspiration pneumonia. Crazy, huh? So, I was sent home on antibiotics (4x a day) and breathing treatments (also 4x a day).  

I am SO glad I trusted my gut and got checked out. People (aka: my entire family) think I am a hypochondriac, but I know my body. I get lots of eye rolls, but I know when I don’t feel right. True, I do get some weird stuff now and then, but I always know when I need medical attention. I don’t think I’ve been wrong yet!

Moral of the story? Trust your gut! Trust what you’re feeling and don’t doubt yourself. Better safe than sorry. :)